


Honeymoon's over, darling

by frecklemoon



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Additional Tags to Be Added, Angst, Cheating, Dirty Talk, F/M, Fluff, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, Masturbation, Smut, Teasing, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, spoilers for 707 route, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-04-04 15:22:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14023140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frecklemoon/pseuds/frecklemoon
Summary: Seems like one year after marrying Jumin Han your honeymoon phase has come to an end. Who will be there for you when you fall?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Urban Night Cityscape](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8807533) by [emphatichearts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emphatichearts/pseuds/emphatichearts). 



**Honeymoon's over, darling**  


  
  
chapter O1. 

 

  
  
Sun rays that entered through the open windows in the living room are finding their way to your eyes, tingling you until you open them. For a few moments, they blind you. You blink, trying to get your vision back and when you finally are able to see clearly, you are alone. The apartment is as quiet as ever, the only sound you hear is the mild purring of Elizabeth 3rd coming from the bedroom. Slowly you sit up, feel every bone in your body straining and aching from the nights you spent on the sofa. _Yet again, another night without him._

You don't remember falling asleep but you suppose it must have been pretty late in the night when you did. The last couple of... whatever, you had spent on the sofa, waiting for him to come back home. Every little sound made your body twitch and raised your hopes, only for them to be crushed moments after when you realized that it wasn't him. You were determined to wait the entire night but ended up falling asleep at some point, woke up in the morning, alone, tried to call him, left a desperate voicemail, waited some more, cried, waited, cried, _waited_ , fell asleep. Day after day, _god how long has it been?_  
  
  
You finally find your strength to stand up and make your way towards the kitchen. Elizabeth 3rd is already waiting for you there, mildly purring and awaiting her breakfast. She looks up at you with her big blue eyes, meows at you and then gently pushes her body against your bare legs. You pick her up, hold her in your arms and tight to your chest while you stroke her white and long fur. She doesn't protest much. Elizabeth 3rd has been your only interaction with another breathing, living individual in... what, days, weeks, _months_? You don't even remember the last time you saw him, the last time he touched you or showed any type of feelings other than complete indifference towards you. _What does his face look like again?_  
  
Elizabeth 3rd seems to enjoy your petting. Of course. It sure has been long for her as well. „I wish you could talk.“, you say. „Then I wouldn't feel so alone. Maybe“ Almost like she understood you, she lets out a loud 'Meow'. You can't help but chuckle a little. „Do you feel it too?“, you ask. „This tight feeling in your chest. Like you are about to explode. The feeling of.. not being wanted, I guess. Can you feel it too, Elly?“ She looks at you but doesn't say anything. „Of course not.“, you conclude. „You're just a cat after all. What was I expecting?“  
  
Talking to a cat and waiting for an answer must be the lowest point you reached in a long time. _Rock bottom. I must be losing my sanity. Or perhaps I already lost it months ago._

  
.....

 

  
The water that rains down on your small figure feels heavy, almost like a little hailstorm. Your long brown hair is soaked, hugging every single curve of your body. Your soft hands move over yourself, massaging the shower gel onto your skin. For a moment you close your eyes and imagine those hands were not yours, but _his_. You feel his strong, masculine hands on your body, gently caressing your breasts. His long fingers move to your nipples, slightly playing with them until your buds become hard. You arch your back, almost feel his body behind you. One hand remains on your breast, while the other one moves down your side, slowly, gently, as if it wants to feel every single goose bump that it leaves on you. His hand finally reaches your sex, his fingers now circulating around your clit in slow motions, so you can fully experience the sensation that his touch leaves on your body. _It feels so good._  
  
His movements become faster, more erratic. Suddenly he leaves your clit and moves one finger inside of you. You gasp at the feeling of him exploring your insides. As he adds another finger, you arch your back, even more, pressing your ass against his rock hard erection. He curls his fingers inside of you, again and again hitting the sweet spot that makes you want to moan and scream out his name. _You are so wet._ You hear his dark voice growl behind you. _So wet for me._  
  
You rock your hips against the cold wall behind you. Your knees are shaking from the sensation your body is experiencing right now, your breathing heavy and uneven. It is impossible to suppress your moans as they become loader and loader with every thrust he makes inside of you. _Don't hold back. I want to hear you scream my name when you come._  
  
Your walls tighten around his fingers when he finally pushes you over the edge. A wave of electricity emerges from your sensitive area, running shockwaves of pure pleasure through your entire body. It takes every strength in your legs to not collapse onto the floor as you come around him. „Ju- Jumin!“ You scream out his name from the top of your lungs, not caring about whether someone could hear you right now.

 

You still breathe heavily, the only thing escaping your mouth are moans and whispers of your lover's name. When you finally calm down, you open your eyes. You're alone yet again.

 

  
.....

 

  
You exit the shower, and your heart feels a little bit more whole again. Being so close to Jumin, to your _husband_ , sure is something you've missed greatly. You pick up your phone from the sink, your heartbeat increases. You want to call him so bad, want to hear his voice not only inside your head. You miss him _so much_.  
  
A sudden idea comes to your mind. You open the settings app on your phone and quickly hide your caller ID. Maybe... if he doesn't know it's you he will pick up? Your fingers are trembling while dialing his number, your heart is racing.

  
  
The first peep... Silence.

 

Peep... Still nothing.

 

Peep...

 

  
_It's been so long!_

  
  
  
"Hello?" _A woman's voice?_  
You want to say something, anything, but your body freezes. A thousand questions race through your head. _Who is this? Why are you answering his phone? Where is he? What is going on?!_  
  
"H-hello..." After what seems like an eternity you finally manage to say something. "Tsubasa?" The other woman seems surprised. _Why does she know my name? Did he tell her?_  
"Y-yes. Who are you?" - "It's me." _...Who?_  
You try to concentrate on the female voice. She sounds familiar in a way, but you are unable to assign a face to her. It's only when she says her name that your heart stops beating at this erratic pace.

  
  
"Jaehee?" _Oh, thank god. Thank God!_

"Where is Jumin? Can I talk to him, please?" - "I'm afraid that's not possible right now." She sounds guilty, almost ashamed. "He's in a very important meeting."  
"Isn't he always?", you say thinking out loud, a small chuckle leaving your lips. It's almost ironic. "I suppose."  
"Can you tell him to call me back after the meeting?" You already know the answer to your question the second it's formed inside of your head. "I'm not sure..-" "...if that's possible." You end Jaehee's sentence for her. "I'm sorry."  
Silence. You can feel the struggle of your friend through the phone. She wants to say something to make you feel better, but she doesn't know what to say. She's afraid to cause even more pain to you.

  
  
"Thank you, Jaehee." You hang up.

 

  
  
.....

 

  
  
Being alone has never been this painful. The yearning for the significant other, the deep desire to feel his touch, smell his scent, hear his heartbeat. You've been in love before but you never thought that the absence of your partner, _your soulmate_ , could crush you like it does just now. You are desperate for something, _anything_ that reminds you of him. You want to close your eyes and imagine him being near you, looking at you, gently kissing your forehead and temples. _I love you_ , he would say. _You are my world, my everything. I am yours as you are mine, until the sun sets in the east and rises in the west. I will love you forever._

 

But every time you open your eyes, he is gone, together with the empty promises he made. And every _damn_ time it hurts more than before.  
  
Tears stream down your face as you enter the bathroom for the second time this morning. You approach the clothes basket in the corner of the big and majestic room. When you moved in about one year ago, after your marriage, Jumin insisted to keep his maids so you wouldn't have to clean the apartment or do the laundry or even cook. He wanted to make sure you would live a perfect and happy and carefree life and even though you protested at first, he was able to convince you with kisses and promises and love confessions. _Oh, how much he loved me back then!_  
  
You look through the laundry until you finally find what you are looking for: Jumin's signature white shirt that he always wears to the office. You hold it up in front of you, admiring it and then press it to your chest and hold it tightly. Immediately you feel a little step closer to him. The scent of his cologne mixed with his own unique scent fills your nostrils, taking your mind back to happier days when you would never have thought there could be a single day where you didn't get to wake up next to your beloved husband.  
  
Quickly you stripe off the bathrobe from your petite shoulders and change into his shirt. In an instant, it's almost as if his body warmth embraces you. "I am yours as you are mine.", you whisper quietly while crossing your arms over your stomach and hugging yourself. You close your eyes. How good it would feel now to lay in his arms. How perfect it would be to feel loved again. _I love you, Jumin._

  
  
Suddenly an unfamiliar smell enters your nose. You take a moment and try to identify it. It reminds you of.. jasmines. And a little bit of honey. Definitely not a perfume you have in your collection. You grab a part of the shirt and bring it closer to your nose, inhaling the strange scent and trying to make sense out of it. How did it get on his shirt? Is your mind playing tricks on you? Is Jumin ch..-  
  
You shake your head to get rid of any more thoughts that will doubt your husband. _He's not like this. He would never.._  
You look in the big mirror again, now straightening the shirt. It's so big on you it could almost pass as a dress. _Why not wear it as one?_ You run to the bedroom, passing Elizabeth 3rd on your way to it and nearly tripping over her, finding your balance again and then continue running. You open the closet and grab a belt, then wrap it around your waist. It takes a bit of adjusting, a bit of pulling here and there, but when you look in the mirror again, a big smile emerges from your lips. You spin, and twirl around, admiring yourself in your lovely husband's attire. _He would love to see me like this!_ You let out a laugh as you imagine his face before you. For sure he would be startled at first, then he would blush a little, tell you how seducing you look and seconds after that he would push you against the nearest wall and then he would...

 

  
  
_Wait_.

 

  
  
_What is this?_

  
  
You notice something... _a stain?_ ...on the collar of the shirt. You brush your hair to one side of your head for a better view. It's red. _Lipstick?_  
You move closer to the mirror, your body trembling, fingers shaking as you touch the colored patch. It's... a lipstick print. Your fingers carefully trace over it, then over your own lips.  


 

 

  
_Mismatched_.  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honeymoon's over


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> every flight begins with a fall

_Mismatched. Mismatched. Not yours. Who's are these? Not yours. Not yours. NOT YOURS!  
_

  
Ah!  


 

  
Before you even know it you rip the shirt from your body, throw it to the floor, as far away from you as possible. _No no no. This is... this can't be_. You collapse on the floor, tears are streaming down your face. _Not yours. Who's lips are these? …not yours._ Desperately you try to increase the distance between you and the shirt, you crawl back on the floor until your body reaches the wall. _No, dear god. Please. Please no._ You clasp your hands over your head, grab onto your hair, pulling it, and you sob, you sob uncontrollably, tears and cries and more tears mixed with agony and anger and sadness and hate. _NO!_

  
  
You can hear it. The sound your heart makes as it shatters into a thousand pieces. You scream. As loud as you can. In a matter of moments the apartment is filled with screams, tears and the sound your fists make as they meet the hard bedroom wall. Over and over and over and over again. _Not yours!_  
  
Breathing has never been that hard. It feels as if you are suffocating, as if your lungs are collapsing. _It hurts. It hurts so much_. Your eyes gaze to the piece of cloth on the floor, yet again sending a piercing pain through your heart. You picture the woman that left the bright red stain on your husband's shirt. You imagine how and when and how often and most importantly _WHY_? You can't.. you can't find the answers. Your heart hurts so much. Your ribcage is close to exploding. Your head is spinning. _Why why why why?!_ You look up. The reflexion in the mirror is laughing at you, mocking the happiness you felt only five minutes ago. You grab the nearest object to you and throw it against the mirror, shattering it to pieces that fall to the ground. _Still laughing. Still laughing. STILL LAUGHING!_

  
  
The thoughts are racing through your head, following, interrupting, destroying each other. You stand up. Legs are shaking. Your chest lifts up and down at crazy speed. _Up down up down up down. The pain. It is too much. It hurts!_

  
Without hesitation you open your closet, grab the nearest pants and T-shirt to you and get dressed. You pick up Jumin's shirt from the ground, stuff it into a bag and storm out of the bedroom. Elizabeth 3rd looks at you as you storm past her. You put on shoes, grab your keys and shut the door behind you with a loud  _BANG_.  


 

  
.....

 

  
  
The car ride to C&R Corporation feels like the longest car ride in your life even though you are speeding, ignoring street signs, traffic lights. You don't care anymore at this point. The only thoughts in your head are Jumin and this other woman, Jumin in his chair, the woman on his lap, her kisses on his collar, his mouth, his chest, Jumin's moans mixed with the moans of this _other woman,_ his digits across her jawline and under her skirt. You dig your nails into the leather of the steering wheel, almost breaking some of them as you go well past the speed limit. _Who is she? Who is she? Not you. Not yours. Hers. NOT YOURS!_  


 

  
.....

 

  
  
_Oh_!  
  
Jaehee exclaims a surprised sound as you storm in through the office doors of Jumin Han. She jumps up from her chair, her face freezes the moment she sees you. „Tsu..-“  
You walk past her, not shifting your gaze to her once. Jaehee grabs your arm, but you shake her off, almost violently so that she trips back and nearly falls. The door to his meeting room is closed but you couldn't care less about it. You approach it furiously, place your shaking hands on the handles. „Wait, Tsubasa, you can't go in there!“  


  
_Watch me._  
  
  
  
You storm in and...

 

...there he is. Sitting in his chair, hands folded in front of him, looking at the monitor. He's quick to notice you. „Excuse me“, he says. „I will call you back.“ He clicks with the mouse, ending his conversation. Jumin takes a deep breath, then looks up at you. Grey eyes meet with yours. In an instant, all the anger, the sadness, the hate inside of you are gone. This.. this is the first time in.. _forever_ that he looks at you. You forgot what it felt like. Almost, _almost_ forgot how he looked like. He, Jumin, your husband. The man who promised to love you, the man who loved you dearly until.. _when exactly?_ He doesn't blink. He continues to pierce you with his deep, grey eyes that show nothing else but complete indifference towards you.  
  
„What do you want?“ The tone of his voice is enough to make your heart break for the second time. You part your lips, form words with your mouth but are unable to let them escape your throat. _So heavy, so much pain. This feeling, it hurts!_

  
  
„I don't have all day.“ _Crack. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. Why does it hurt so much?!_

  
  
„I'm waiting.“ _Waiting. What a joke. You mean, like I've been waiting? All these nights for you? While you..._  
  
  
Without warning, it just bursts out of you. „Where were you? Where the _hell_ were you?!“ He looks at you, not saying anything, still the same expression on his beautifully shaped face. „Jumin! For _fuck's_ sake, answer me!“  
  
„I've been here.“ He finally says. „I was busy. I rarely left the office.“ _Rarely. And when you left it... did you go to her place?_ „I believe Assistant Kang informed you about it, no?“  
„And you couldn't give me a call?“ - „As I said, I was busy.“ _Of course, you were. I'd be busy too fucking other people._  
  
„I'm surprised you still know who I am. After.. _fuck_ , how long has it been, Jumin? Days, weeks, months?“ He closes his eyes, looking as calmly as ever. „Don't be stupid.“ He says. „I would never forget my wife.“ _Wife_. You can't help but hiss at how ironic this title sounds now. „You're right, I'm your _fucking_ wife. Your wife that you've been ignoring and avoiding since _lord_ knows how long because I sure as hell don't remember anymore! Your _wife_ , Jumin! Do you realize how pathetic that sounds?“ He opens his eyes again and looks at you. He is.. so calm, so collected. He clears his throat. „I was busy.“

  
_CRACK_.  
  
  
At this moment all you can feel is hate. Your blood is boiling, the heat is filling up your body, your hands are shaking, _god_ , you are a complete mess in front of him! And yet he sits there in his chair, looking as calm as ever like he couldn't even give two shits about you. Like you are some kind of _stranger_ to him. You breathe, try to gather up courage for your next sentence. You swallow the little bit of pride that is still left in you.  
  
  
„Are you cheating on me?“

  
  
To your surprise, he changes his expression. His indifferent mouth changes into a soft smile. He slightly shakes his head while letting your words sink, looking almost like it _amuses_ him. „Of course I'm not cheating on you. Don't be stupid.“ It amazes you how he can look so good while lying straight into your face. „Jumin..-“ Before you can say anything else, he cuts you off. „That's it now? I've got work to do.“ His eyes gaze away from you and back onto the monitor in front of him, signalizing you that this conversation has ended for him. _That's...it?_  
  
You clench your fists together, grind your teeth. Your whole body is trembling. You are almost unable to stand anymore, but you know you have to get through it. He owes you an explanation. You are his wife!

  
  
„If you are not cheating“, he looks up to you. „then what the _hell_ is this?!“ You pull out his shirt from your bag and throw it into his perfect face. He inspects it. For a moment you can see a surprise in his eyes mixed with a slight panic. But before you know it he quickly collects himself, clears his throat and continues with the lies and heartbreaks. „How should I know? You probably left it yourself.“ _Probably. probablyprobablyprobably!_  
  
„Don't be stupid.“, you quote him, „I don't wear red lipstick.“ He shrugs his shoulders, clearly uninterested in the conversation. You suppose he doesn't know what to say so he does the only thing that will save him: keep quiet and pretend he doesn't know what you are talking about. „Maybe you do occasionally.“ His ignorance is making you furious. How dare he. How _dare_ he try to play the victim and blame the whole situation on your imagination and misinterpretation. „Jumin, I swear to god..“ - „I'm sorry, Tsubasa, but I don't have the time right now to discuss this with y..-“

 

  
  
_A knock._  
  
Jumin stops talking mid-sentence. He looks at you, waves with one hand and signalizes you to stay quiet and calm down. „Come in.“  
  
You look at the ground, ashamed of your swollen and reddened face and hear the noise of clicking high heels on the office tiles. You don't have to look up to know who just entered the room. A familiar scent of jasmines and honey fills up your nostrils. It's her. You just know it is.

  
  
„Jumin“ Her voice is soft but it cuts through you like a knife. „I'm done with the preparations now. Meet me outside your office when you're done so we can discuss the final decision.“ You feel your body tighten, every muscle goes stiff. You don't dare to look up but you have to. You have to know what she looks like. What this _other woman_ looks like. Your eyes wander to her legs. She is wearing black high heels. Slowly your gaze shifts upwards. Long legs, a tight black pencil skirt, a perfectly tucked in white blouse. She is taller than you, almost as tall as Jumin when she is wearing heels. Her breasts are bigger than yours, her whole figure is more mature in general. _A real woman, not just some stupid 21 year old girl who looks like a child next to her_. Her hair is blonde, nicely put in a professional updo. Her eyes are almond shaped and so dark you can easily get lost in them. She nearly looks European. And then.. her lips. A dark red.  
  
You look at Jumin's shirt that is still laying on his lap, then you look at her. You shift your gaze quickly between them, the shirt, her lips, the shirt, her lips, _theshirtherlips_ , and then the realization hits you. The realization of something you already knew but still somewhere, deep in your heart, didn't want to believe is true. _Oh god_. You are shaking again. _Oh my god oh my god oh my god._

  
  
„Thank you, Miss Lee. I will be out in just a moment.“ She nods, then leaves the room. Silence lays upon you again. Jumin looks at you, but you avoid his eyes, knowing that now looking at those cold, indifferent eyes would break you even more. You don't know what to say, instead, you can feel your checks growing wet again. Tears are streaming down your face uncontrollably.  
„I need to go now.“ _Cold. So cold. The pain is unbearable._  
  
„It's her, isn't it?“ Silence. „Tell me.“ - „I don't have time right now.“  
  
„Tell me, Jumin!“ You try your hardest to remain strong but your voice cracks. „I beg you, just this one time. Please, Jumin. Look me in the eyes and tell me it's her! _Fucking hell, TELL ME!_ “  
  
Jumin doesn't say anything. He stands up in complete silence and walks towards you. For a brief moment, only a split second, you dare to hope that he will approach you and pull you into his embrace, that he will kiss you and tell you that this is all just a bad dream, but instead he walks past you towards the door. „Ju...Jumin...“ My love, my husband, _my_ _everything_.  
  
„We will talk more when I get home.“ _Home.. how ironic_. „How on earth can you still call this place home?“ At this point, your voice is nothing more than a quiet whisper. You turn around to face him, but his back is turned towards you as he stands in front of the big door. „What happened to you? You can't even bear to look at me anymore. At your wife.“ - „Now is not the time. We will talk at home.“  
  
„It is not _my_ home anymore.“ He hesitates for a second, then walks out of his office room, leaving you alone with your thoughts and the bitter taste of betrayal on your tongue. _Not my home. Not mine, not mine. His. And hers._

  
  
Before you can react your legs give in and you collapse onto the hard floor. You didn't think you'd have any more tears inside of you but now they keep streaming down your face even harder than before. You sob and scream, your chest is hurting from all the erratic breathing. It is unbearable. _It hurts, it hurts. Ithurtsithurtsithurts. Make it stop! Please, dear god. MAKE IT STOP!_  
  
Suddenly a pair of arms lays around you. Your head is pressed against a shoulder very much familiar to you, one hand is caressing your back while the other one holds your head and gently brushes through your hair. „I'm sorry.“  
  
You don't need to open your eyes to know who this is. You embrace yourself in the warm hug, lean on the figure of your friend. You lay your arms around her, afraid you will fall deeper into the abyss if you let go. „Ja...jae.. jaehee-“ You are unable to pronounce her name correctly, your sobbing fills the room.  
  
„Shhhh...“ She holds you tightly, you notice that she is shaking too. „I'm sorry.“  
She keeps on apologizing, over and over again.  


  
  
  
„I am so _deeply_ sorry, Tsubasa.“  
  


 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ay papi, i love me some good drama


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies but the pack survives

Your body is still trembling, despite the hot tea in your hands and the soft blanket around your shoulders. Jaehee is sitting next to you on the sofa, saying things to calm you down and comfort you, but the words that are leaving her mouth evolve to a dull noise before they reach your ears. All you do is stare at the ground, sipping your tea from time to time. It feels like the world around you has stopped moving as if everything has turned grey and dull and flat and meaningless in front of your very eyes. The only thing that reminds you that you are still alive is the ongoing pain inside of your ribcage. _Ithurtsithurtsithurts_

  
  
Is this really happening? You pray to god. _Please, please let this all be a nightmare. Let me open my eyes and be loved again._ But it's hopeless. The moment you pinch yourself and open your eyes, you are still sitting in Jumin's office, on his sofa, Jaehee next to you and you are still the desperate mess you've been before your prayers. He loved you, more than anything else in this world. He would never even look at another woman because you were all he ever needed, ever asked for, ever wanted. _Liar_. Jumin promised to love you forever and cherish you until his last breath. _Lies. All lies, all lies, all lies._ He married you because he wanted to grow old with you. _He's a liar. He lies and avoids and pretends and breaks and lies and lies and fucks and..-_  


  
„Are you listening?“ You turn your head to the side. Jaehee is looking at you, her goldish brown eyes are filled with sorrow and worry. „I'm sorry. I must have spaced out.“

  
„Did you hear any of the things I said?“ You shake your head slightly. „No..“

  
She sighs. „I said that I'm here for you. Whatever you want to talk about or whatever you need, I will try my best to provide it to you. A friend should not be left alone in this situation. You can talk to me, Tsubasa.“

  
„Can you give me back my marriage?“ Your mouth turns into a sad smile. Jaehee's eyes widen a bit, she parts her lips. At this moment you can read her face like an open book. She wants to say something but doesn't know what would be an appropriate thing to say right now. She is clearly uncomfortable. You let out a weak laugh. „I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.“

  
„Don't apologize. You're confused, I understand that.“ - „Thank you, Jaehee.“

  
You take another sip of your tea while Jaehee watches your every move. You look so small, so vulnerable. Like a doll that could break any second. Your eyes are blank, staring at something but lacking real focus. The moment you stop talking you get lost in your thoughts. The voices inside your head are so much louder than anything else surrounding you. You lift your legs to the sofa and press your knees to your chest, curling up into a little ball. Jaehee hesitates for a few moments, then places her right hand on your shoulder and gently rubs it. Both of you are surprised by this sudden body contact.

  
„Can I ask you something?“ - „Of course.“

  
You take a deep breath and then turn your head again to the female assistant beside you. „Did Jumin tell you to ignore all of my calls?“ Jaehee frowns, clearly not have expected this question. You can see her body tensing up and getting nervous. Panic rises to her eyes. „Wha-..?“  
„I called countless times. Never did someone pick up.“, you say. „Today I hid my caller ID and... and you answered his phone.“ Your chest tightens. „Did you ignore my calls because he told you to do so or is there something else I don't know?“

  
  
_Ah!_

  
Jaehee jumps up from the sofa, her face reddens. „Wh..what are you implying?! Are you saying I-...“ Embarrassed she looks at you. „Sorry, that's not... that's not what I wanted to say. I would never...“ She calms down a bit and sits down again next to you, clearly relieved. „I wanted to ask if... you were avoiding to talk to me because.. maybe, just _maybe_ you already knew...?“ Your friend looks to the ground, her eyes and cheeks now showing slight signs of shame. She answers your question without saying anything. You nod to yourself. _Of course._  
  
„It's... it's not that I _knew_ but I.. kind of had a suspicion.“ - „Ah, I see.“

  
„I'm sorry, Tsubasa. I should have talked to you sooner. I guess I just didn't quite know what to say.“ You would lie if you said that her confession doesn't awake the feeling of betrayal inside of you but at the same time you realize that it wouldn't have made much of a difference if she told you. The heartbreak would have still happened, it would still hurt as much as it does now. Maybe Jaehee did you a favor. Thanks to her silence you were able to live the illusion of a (somewhat) happy marriage a little bit longer. „It's alright, don't worry about it. I've never been in your situation, I can't possibly predict how I would have acted in your place.“

  
„I've never been in your situation as well.“ - „And I hope you never will be.“

 

  
.....

 

  
She had asked you what you were going to do now and frankly, you still haven't found an answer to that question. There was no place for you to go to, no safe haven anymore. Going back to the apartment was no option for you, you would prefer to sleep under a bridge before even _considering_  to go back to the place that painfully held all of your memories of Jumin and your marriage. Rika's apartment? No... After V's death, the apartment was sold to other people. As well as your old place where you used to live before you even knew what _RFA_ stood for was currently occupied by somebody else. Every home you ever had was gone, not yours anymore. _Not yours not yours not yours._

  
You smiled weakly at Jaehee, reassured her that you would be able to think of something and then left the big intimidating building. You enter your car, breathing heavily a few times before turning the keys and starting the engine. The tires squeal as you drive off the parking lot that you don't plan on returning to anytime soon.

 

  
.....

 

  
You drive through the busy streets of Seoul for what feels like an eternity with your head in deep thoughts and the next thing you know is that you find yourself standing in front of a big, oh so familiar steel door. You can't help but let a small chuckle escape your lips. Somehow it's refreshing to see that not much about this place has changed since the last time you were here. Saeyong stopped working for his dangerous agency after both of you had successfully found his twin brother Saeran and yet the redhead still kept all of his heavy security measures to protect himself and his home. You ring the doorbell and it only takes a couple of moments for the steel door to finally open. Hesitantly, you take your first step inside.

  
  
Your heart beats faster and faster with every step you take. Unsure what to say to Saeyoung when you will see him, you stop for a moment to collect your thoughts. Everything you could possibly say to him sounds incredibly stupid in your head. How on earth will you be able to stand in front of him without bursting out in tears and hysteria even before you'll manage to say your first word? Suddenly you regret coming here in the first place, consider turning on your heel and walk outside again, but your intent is ultimately interrupted when Saeyoung steps out to greet you.

  
„Tsubasa..“ His voice is filled with surprise and disbelief. Your eyes meet his golden ones, both of you just stare at each other, unable to say anything. _Oh, how long has it been since I've seen him!  
_

  
„Saeyoung...I-“, you struggle to find the right words. „I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come... I-I better get going.“ Before you can even make your first step he quickly approaches you and lays his strong arms around your body. He buries his face in your hair, inhales the scent he had missed for such a long time. You give in to his embrace and pull yourself closer to his chest. You can feel his heart beating. It's almost as fast and your own. Both of you remain like that for some time, almost like if you are trying to make up for the time you have missed when you weren't together. Eventually, it's him who breaks the intimate hug when he feels the wetness on his shirt that your tears have caused. He looks at you with his beautiful golden eyes, now suddenly filled with worry for his dear friend. „What happened?“  
  
You can't even form a single sentence before your silent tears transform into loud sobs and cries. „It's Jumin...“, you say, your voice shaky and almost quiet like a whisper. „He...he has anoth..-“ You can't bring yourself to say it before your vocal chords seem to break again. Unable to talk anymore you press yourself hard against Saeyoung's chest. He holds you for a brief moment before pulling you away gently, now looking into your reddened and wet eyes. He cups your face with his hand, softly and caring rubs his thumbs over your cheeks to wish away the stains your tears have left on you. „Let's go inside first“, he says with a calm and soft voice. „I will make you something to drink, then you can tell me what happened. Alright?“ You nod slightly, then follow him inside of his house. Your knees are weak, legs shaking with every step you make but as soon as Saeyoung lays one arm on your side you immediately feel a little bit safer. Now even if you fall he will be there to catch you.

 

  
Another few minutes go by until you finally surpass all the remaining security measurements and now you finally stand inside of his living room. Although it has been some time since you last were here not much has changed. The amount of furniture is still very spare, the room contains only the things it needs most. A few decoration items have been placed here and there to lighten up the mood but it's not enough to make it appear really comfortable and warm. Empty cans and plastic bags are spread across the white floor, clothes are laying around randomly and hugging the furniture. „Jesus, if I knew you were coming I would have cleaned up the mess. Sorry.“  
  
You force a light smile on your lips. „Maybe you should give Vanderwood a call and propose to hire him as your maid again“ - „He would kill me! And I'd prefer to live a little bit longer.“  
„If he doesn't kill you, the cockroaches will eventually.“ A laughter escapes Saeyoung and you can't help but chuckle a little as well. Somehow it makes you happy that after all this time the two of you still seem to get along so easily. You missed laughing so much.  
  
Saeyoung guides you to his couch and you sit down while watching the redhead disappear into the kitchen. „I promised you a drink“, he shouts. „Tea or Coffee?“ _Do you have Vodka?_  
„Coffee, please.“ - „Coming right up!“

  
You lift your legs, press them close against your chest and rest your face on your knees. Your mind trails off to Saeyoung, to what your _friendship_ used to be and to what it has become today. When you first joined the RFA he was one of the first people you instantly felt a connection to. His loud, carefree attitude, his jokes, his pranks on the clueless Yoosung... _everything_ about him make you laugh and forget about your problems outside of the messenger. You shared the same humor, much to the annoyance of the other members. Talking to him made you feel so good, so light, so appreciated. The two of you were one heart and one soul. And yet... the person you ended up choosing was Jumin, not Saeyoung. _Why him? Look what he made me go through._  
  
Thinking about the happiness you two shared makes your heart bleed. He was... _is_ the love of your life. Being with Jumin made you feel whole. You could have never even imagined loving somebody else again, never thought there could be an end to those happy days. Thinking back to them now makes you wonder... When did all good things suddenly turn into something so _bad_?

  
  
„You alright?“ A low voice suddenly brings you back to reality. You look up and find a pair of strong mint green eyes staring back at you. „Saeran...“, you say. „It's been some time.“ - „Sure has.“, he answers shortly. „What are you doing here?“  
  
Before you get the chance to answer you already see Saeyoung stepping out of the kitchen carrying a cup of freshly brewed coffee with whipped cream and little marshmallows on top of it in his hand. „Here you go.“, he says as he hands you the coffee. The strong aroma fills up your nose, the heat warms your ice cold fingers. Almost instinctively you close your eyes to bath in the warmth of this moment. When you open them again you see both of the twins standing in front of you, watching you. While Saeyoung's eyes are filled with worry, Saeran looks at you with a stern and serious expression, his gaze not leaving you for even a split second. He doesn't look much different from the last time you saw him. His hair is still white with pink highlights, most probably a remnant from his original vermillion hair color, his eyes are as piercing as ever but he has put on some weight, now looking stronger and definitely more healthy. You find yourself wondering how handsome he truly is.

  
„Thank you, Saeyoung.“ You are finally able to find your voice again and then lightly nib at your coffee. „I put some little marshmallows on top of it. I just thought they would look cute.“ _They_ _do_.  
  
Before you know it your face is wettened again by big tears that escape the corners of your eyes. Unable to hold them back you wish them away with your hand. Saeran rolls his eyes. „Jesus, you must really be messed up to cry because of some stupid marshmallows.“ - „Shut up!“ The older twin scoffs at him. „It's alright“, you say. „It's not like Saeran is wrong about me being a complete mess.“ You force a smile to your lips that is almost instantly followed by more tears.  
  
Saeyoung kneels down beside you, putting one hand on your leg. He looks deep into your eyes.

 

  
„Are you ready to talk about what happened?“  


 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, thank you all for your reads and comments and kudos! it really means a lot to me!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples and bastards and broken things

  
_Are you ready to talk about it?_

 

 

  
  
„I'm not sure.“ You admit. Talking about all of the things that happened today might just send yet another pain through your heart, but then again... it's already shattered to pieces. Is there really much left to lose?  
  
You take a deep breath and try to collect your thoughts. „Jumin...“, you begin, „is cheating on me.“

  
  
„What?“ You can see the shock in Saeyoung's eyes as your words sink in. He looks at you, trying to make sense out of the thing you just said. It's like he is just waiting for you to burst out in laughter, to tell him this is all just a bad joke but unfortunately, this is the painful reality. „Shit...“ Saeran curses under his breath. The whole room goes silent, neither of the twins dares to say anything. Eventually, the redhead is the first one to manage to talk again. „How...how do you know?“  
  
„I found something.“, you say. „I went through the laundry. I missed Jumin so much so I wanted to find one of his shirts to remind myself of what he smells like again. But there was another more feminine scent mixed with it. And then there was also this... this red lipstick print on his collar, one I couldn't have left because...-“ - „You don't like red lipstick on yourself.“ Saeyoung finishes your sentence for you. You nod slightly in agreement. _He knows. He remembers._

  
„I can't believe it.“ He stands up, clasps his hands over his head and begins walking back and forth, eventually stopping after some time. „But you two are _happy_!“, he shouts, „Jumin loves you! You two are meant for each other, he would never do something like that to you. I saw how much he loves you with my own eyes!“ You laugh weakly to yourself. „I suppose it's really been some time since you last saw us.“ - „Eh?“

  
„Jumin, he...“, you hesitate, unsure how to phrase it so that it makes sense. „He has been away a lot over the last few months. I mean I knew how busy he would be and that he would have to take business trips when I married him, but it... it just was so much. I mean _so much_.“ You take a deep breath. Somehow talking about it makes you relive all of the moments in which you were alone, in which you wanted nothing more than to be close to your husband. The loneliness, the worries, the unanswered calls and text messages...so painful.  
  
„At one point he just stopped coming home. The first few days Jaehee called to inform me about important meetings he had to attend and that he would be staying at the office due to the time zone differences... or something along those lines. Sometimes he would call me and tell me how much he missed me and promised me he would be home soon. But as time went on his calls became less and less frequent, and Jaehee also stopped talking to me. So I was alone. I waited every night for him to come home but... he never came.“ You look at Saeyong with glassy eyes, a sad smile dancing on your lips. „Do you believe it?“, you ask. „I can't even say how much time has passed since the first night I was alone.“  
  
„Why didn't you tell me, Tsubasa? Why didn't you give me a call? I would have been there for you...“ Saeyoung clearly sounds upset. You shrug your shoulders. „I don't know.“, you say, „I truly don't know. If I look back now...I am lost.“

  
  
„Have you talked to Jumin about all this?“ You nod. „This morning I went to his office. _Hell_ , it was the first time in forever since I saw him and..“ Your voice cracks a bit. „..and it didn't go too well.“  
  
Saeyoung takes a deep breath, gathers up his thoughts to say something to comfort you but Saeran speaks up before he gets a chance. „Are you sure this isn't all just a big misunderstanding?“

 

  
_Are you sure this isn't all just a big misunderstanding?  
_

 

  
A big misunderstanding?

 

 

  
A MISUNDERSTANDING?!  
  
  
Your body freezes, you look at the white haired man in front of you with nothing but shock and anger in your eyes. „A _misunderstanding_?!“, you exclaim loud. „All this time you keep your mouth shut and listen and now suddenly you ask me if I _misunderstood_ the situation?“  
  
„Tsubasa...“  
  
„No!“, you shout. „How dare you? How _dare_ you, Saeran?!“ If it wouldn't be for your shaking and exhausted body you would jump at his throat right now. „You weren't there! _You_ were not at home alone all this time, _you_ didn't find the shirt, _you_ didn't see the lipstick print on the collar, _you_ didn't stand there in his office, shouting, crying, screaming at him. _You_ didn't get treated like worthless trash, _you_ didn't see this woman that wears the same perfume and the same red lipstick shade that was sticking to his shirt out of, what? _Pure coincidence?_ No, _I_ did, Saeran. _I_ went through hell these last few hours. And you're just going to stand here, right in front of me, look me straight into the eyes and try to tell me that I might have _misunderstood_ the situation?“  
  
Your blood is boiling to the point where you feel like you are about to explode. The heat rises to your head, your body is trembling, mouth twitching. Right now Saeyoung is just as speechless as you are. He looks at his twin in disbelief of what he just said. He sighs, shakes his head, unsure what to say to deescalate the situation.

  
„I...I didn't mean it like that,...I'm sorry.“

  
You bury your head in your knees and sob. You know he meant well. _Hell_ , you know he only wanted to cheer you up yet you couldn't help but lash out at him like that. Instantly you feel regret taking over and suddenly you are ashamed of all the things you just said. Saeran had to endure a lot in Mint Eye. Maybe he doesn't know what it feels like to get cheated on but he is very much familiar with what the bitterness of betrayal by a loved one tasted like.

  
„It's alright...“ You muffle to yourself, not quite sure whether he heard it or not.  
  
Saeyoung sits down next to you and carefully rubs your back. „Maybe you should rest now, hm? I can only imagine how drained you must be.“ He takes your silence as a 'yes'. „Let's go.“

  
The redhead helps you stand up and takes the coffee mug from your shaking hands and places it on the small living room table. He keeps his hand on you to guide you towards his bedroom. „She can sleep in my bed.“ Surprised Saeyoung stops his movements and looks at his brother. „Your room is a mess, I doubt she'll feel comfortable in it.“  
  
Saeyoung thinks for a moment. „I'll stay here and sleep on the couch today, so she can have my room to herself.“, Saeran adds as he notices the confused look on his twin's face. He nods and thanks Saeran with his eyes. Still ashamed of your previous outburst you don't look at the younger twin as you walk past him. _Thank you._

  
  
You sit down on Saeran's bed. It's soft and definitely a welcome change to the hard sofa your body was used to from the previous countless nights. „You should change into something more comfortable.“, Saeyoung says. „I'll go get you some clothes.“ - „Wait.“ You stop him as he reaches the door. „Can you... can you just give me your hoodie?“ Saeyoung smiles at your request. „Of course.“  
  
He slips the black hoodie with yellow highlights from his body and gives it to you. You show him a weak smile in return. „Sleep tight, princess.“ Then he leaves the bedroom. You undress, place your clothes neatly on the floor and change into Saeyoung's hoodie. It is still warm and smells of him. You lay down, feeling somewhat safe for the first time today. The moment you close your eyes you fall asleep, drift off to a dreamless nap your body has been yearning for in what seems like forever.

  
  
.....  


  
„What I said... it was insensitive, right?“ When Saeyoung enters the living room again his brother is still there, not having moved one inch. „It probably wasn't the best thing to say at that moment.“, he replies. „But she knows you meant well.“ - „Didn't quite seem like it, to be honest.“  
  
„The situation just got to her.“, Saeyoung explains. „She's usually not like that.“  
„You would know, right?“ The younger twin looks at him. „I guess. I've just known her for a pretty long time now is all.“

  
Something inside of Saeran twitches at his brother's comment. _Me too. I've known her for a pretty long time now too._ He still remembers the first time he saw you. It was almost two and a half years ago when you used to work at a nightclub in the heart of the city. You were strong, fierce, didn't take shit from obtrusive customers who saw nothing more in you but a pretty ass and a nice pair of tits. Something about you was just so captivating that Saeran couldn't stop thinking about you no matter how much he tried to find distractions for himself. What began as a simple night's out to clear his clouded head evolved into many secret sneak outs at night just to be able to get a glimpse of you. It took a few weeks until he was able to memorize your routine at work. After some time he finally found a way to sneak into your wardrobe to install the messenger software onto your phone. The savior wasn't very pleased with his choice but eventually, she agreed to it which sent shivers of excitement through his whole body. Ever since then he was always watching your every step, so close to you yet unable to touch or talk to you until the plan finally allowed him to act otherwise. But... eventually, everything turned out to be quite different from what he had imagined. You fell in love with somebody else, slipped away from his hands and now Saeyoung was standing in front of him, claiming he knows you better than him. Almost _insulting_.

  
„You can apologize when she wakes up. Until then we let her sleep. Lord knows she needs it right now.“ Saeran nods in agreement.

  
  
.....  


  
It is already late at night when you wake up. You reach out for your clothes that are laying on the ground to grab your phone from your pants. You turn it on. 01:25 AM. _Did I really... just sleep for almost 12 hours?_  
  
You knew that the day was hard and drained you but you would never have guessed just how tired your body and mind had truly been.

 

You stand up from the warm bed, rub your eyes and stretch yourself. Without a second thought, you exit Saeran's bedroom and make your way to the bunker's kitchen. Your throat feels sore and dry from all the screams and cries. A glass water would be helpful now.

  
You stand in front of the sink as you hear loud footsteps coming from behind you. In an instant, you turn around. Your eyes meet a pair of mint green ones, almost glowing in the dark. "Saeran.", you say. "Sorry, did I wake you up?" He shakes his head. "I don't sleep much.", he explains. "What about you?"

  
"Well, I slept for most of the day so..."  
  
Both of you go silent and look at each other. You turn around again, trying to escape his strong and intimidating eyes. Saeran continues looking at you, watching your every move like he is studying you. You can feel the nervousness rising inside of you. You've never been alone with Saeran, especially not a night. Although you know that he went to therapy and has been making good progress you still can't shake off the slight feeling of fear and danger that he causes to you in this very moment.

  
"How's therapy?" He laughs.

  
"Sucks.", he says. "But it's helping,... I suppose." - "That's good to hear."

  
Suddenly you can hear him move. Before you even know it Saeran stands behind you and places his hands on your hips. You gasp at his sudden touch, but don't protest. It's like you're frozen.  
  
Saeran lowers his head a bit and places his lips on your hair, not quite kissing them. "About what I said earlier..." You can feel his hot breath on the back of your head, immediately sending shivers down your spine. "S-Saeran." You stumble to say something but he interrupts you with a 'Shhh', advising you to stay quiet. "Just listen.", he pleads and you nod.

  
"I realize it wasn't the best thing to say in the situation and it came across very insensitive. Truth is... I don't have much experience with talking to people so sometimes it just... overwhelms me, I guess." He inhales your scent and then buries his face in your neck. You jump a little in surprise and try to turn around but Saeran tightens his grip on your hips. Not quite painful but definitely demanding and dominant. "Please don't turn around." He says. "I don't want you to see the embarrassment on my face."

  
You smile to yourself. He's dangerous and mysterious and yet so... _cute_ at the same time. You raise your hand and entangle your fingers in his white messy hair. He groans slightly at your pleasant touch.  
  
"Don't worry about it.", you finally say, breaking the silence. "I know you meant well... and I'm sorry for... lashing out at you like that." You can feel a smile forming against the skin of your neck as you say that. "I'm glad.", he whispers. _Me too._

  
Both of you remain like that for what feels like an eternity. The warmth of your bodies against each other, his soft lips on your neck, your hand in his hair, his arms around your stomach pulling you even closer into his embrace. This moment feels so natural, so precious. You never want it to end.

  
"Are you doubting yourself?", he asks as if he's able to see right inside of your head. You don't need to give him an answer because he already knows what you would respond. "Don't. There is no reason to." - "I wish it was that easy.", you say. "I know."

  
"I'm just constantly asking myself... did I do something wrong? Or did he simply got... tired of me?" A single tear escapes the corner of your eyes. You don't want to cry, not right now. You don't want to ruin this moment in which you finally feel so safe. "Please don't say this." Saeran removes his muscular arms from your body. You turn around to face him. His eyes are so beautiful and seem to enlighten the dark room. "You are beautiful and perfect the way you are."

  
Your lips escape a laugh. ' _Perfect'...he clearly doesn't know much about me._ "I never knew you could be this kind, Saeran." He smiles warmly. "Don't get used to it. And most importantly, don't tell Saeyoung about this." - "I won't." Your hearty laughter echoes through the kitchen.

  
"Since we both can't sleep how about we watch a movie?", he suggests. "I'm sure a distraction would be nice right now." You nod in agreement. "A movie sounds nice indeed."

 

  
Suddenly Saeran bows down to you, his mouth moves so close to yours that you can feel his breath on your lips. His eyes lock with yours. For a moment time stands still. Before you can say anything he moves his head to your ear. "Maybe..." His voice seems to have dropped by one whole octave, sending shivers down your spine, "you should put some pants on first."

  
You look down in embarrassment, suddenly remembering that your underwear and Saeyoung's hoodie are the only things you are wearing right now. "I'll be waiting in the living room." A devious smirk lays on his lips as he looks at your reddened face and then moves away from you and leaves the kitchen. You place your hand on your cheek, feeling the warmth that has risen to your face.

 

  
Despite all of the horrible things that happened today you can't help but smile to yourself. _He's...impossible._  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will have smut i promise.
> 
>  


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> without the dark, we had never seen the stars

The first thing you notice when you wake up is the soft blanket that is covering your body. You rub your eyes and yawn, look around you and see that the spot beside you on the sofa is now empty. Slowly you sit up and then stretch, forcing the tiredness to leave your bones. You grab your phone from the pocket of the hoodie and are surprised when you see the many chat messages that you missed while you were asleep. The members of the RFA are still extremely close but over the course of the last year, it was undeniable that the contact grew less and less frequent with each passing day. Everybody just started to live their own life, everybody suddenly had other things that were requiring their attention. Zen finally got noticed by TV and had a lot of interviews and auditions to attend, Yoosung quit his games (partly) to focus more on his studies, Jaehee was busy with office work as always, Saeyoung wanted to be there for his younger twin as much as possible and Jumin... _well he was busy fuckin-..._

  
  
You unlock your phone and open the messenger. A few hours ago Saeyoung posted a picture.

 

The moment you open it your cheeks turn to a bright shade of red. The picture shows you and Saeran sleeping on the sofa, he is leaning his head on one arm and you lay beside him, covered in a blanket and your head is resting on his lap while your arm is hugging his legs. Saeran looks like a completely different person with this calm expression on his face and the white messy hair that is hanging loose on his forehead. Despite the probably uncomfortable position he looks so peaceful, and you... _Oh god._ You don't even remember the two of you sitting so close to each other last night, not to mention you laying down next to him and... _cuddling_ with him...?

 

You swallow hard before scrolling down to read the rest of the messages. _Oh boy, here we go..._

 

* * *

  
  
  
  


  


* * *

  
_Great. An overly protective Zen who asks questions, just exactly what I needed._

  
  
You shake your head and lock your phone with a slightly annoyed expression on your face. You know that Zen cares deeply for you and is afraid something bad happened (which it did) but still... some people say that talking about your problems makes them easier to endure, but in your case... it just tears open the bleeding wounds over and over and over again.

  
  
At last, you stand up and make your way towards the kitchen, your body and soul aching for a cup of coffee. Upon entering, the sweet and familiar smell of scrambled eggs enters your nose. You remember all the mornings in which you used to wake up late, exited the bedroom and found your husband in the kitchen cooking breakfast for you. You remember walking up to him, hugging him from behind and planting kisses on his big and muscular torso. You remember that you felt nothing but... _pure happiness_. Now all that remains is a broken heart.

  
  
You walk into the kitchen and sit down at the counter, placing your head on your arms. It doesn't take long until Saeyoung notices you and turns away from the stove, smiles at you and proudly points at the eggs he's been cooking. „Breakfast?“, he asks loudly. You shake your head. „Coffee will do, thanks.“ You can see the disappointment forming on the redhead's face, although he tries his best to cover it. Saeyoung looks at you, a slightly worrying look in his eyes. „You shouldn't skip your meals, you know?“ - „I know, I know.“, you sigh, „I'm just not hungry is all.“  
  
His worry turns into something a bit more serious. „Tsubasa..“ - „I put milk in my coffee.“, you say, trying to ease him up a little. „Doesn't that count as _some_ kind of nutrition?“ _Lame excuse._

  
  
„Not really.“, Saeyoung says, „Listen, I understand that you're probably not in the best mood to eat, but skipping your meals is still unhealthy. Can you promise to at least _try_ to eat something later?“ - „Yes, mom.“ You roll your eyes to which he gifts you with a warm smile. „Thank you.“  
  
The redhead turns around again to face his now (slightly) burned eggs. You laugh a little to yourself at his attempt to save the breakfast. You never knew he could be so caring but then again you suppose you never got the chance to spend that much time with him either. The first eleven days were like a rollercoaster ride of emotions; jokes, happiness, carefree laughs, distance, isolation, rejection, apologies, ... _love_? You shake your head. _No. I love Jumin_. Although... the increasing heartbeat, the butterflies in your stomach every time you saw that he was online in the messenger, the nervousness in every part of your body when you finally saw him for the first time..., yes it was undeniable that you indeed had feelings for him but... was it enough for you to actually fall in _love_ with him? . _..Apparently not._

  
  
„Listen“ Saeyoung clears his throat, causing you to shift your attention back to the present. „I'm sorry about the picture. You saw the chat already, right?“ You nod then part your lips to say something but Saeyoung interrupts you before you get the chance. „I realize that the last thing you need is more people who ask questions. The picture...I-I just wasn't thinking. It was reckless and I'm sorry about...-“ - „Saeyoung.“, you say with stern undertone in your voice. „I'm 21 years old. I'm allowed to sleep over at a friend's place, you know?“  
  
„Well,“ He nervously scratches his head. „I'm pretty sure that 'sleeping over at a friend's place' does not include cuddling with his brother on the sofa and falling asleep.“ - „We weren't cuddling.“

 

Saeyoung raises a brow. „Not intentionally anyway.“, you add. „Besides, I'm not even mad at you. Yeah, I mean, I'm slightly annoyed by the fact that Zen will cross-examine me now but I'm not mad. So don't worry too much, or you'll get wrinkles.“  
  
A laugh escapes his wonderful lips at your little joke. „I'm glad.“ The redhead turns off the stove, shoves half of the scrambled eggs into a plate and then sits down next to you. He looks at you, his eyes are asking you 'You sure?' as he notices you looking at the food, and you nod, reassuring him that you don't have the appetite or strength to be even _thinking_ about eating right now.

  
  
Your gaze shifts over him as he begins to stuff the food into his mouth like an impatient child. Despite his eating manners, you note that Saeyoung is so unbelievably handsome. You're sure that he doesn't even try hard with his looks and it amazes you even more just how naturally beautiful and captivating this man is. His hair has a beautiful vermillion color while his eyes are a deep gold. His fair skin compliments his rather thin, yet defined frame. Looking at him and studying his pleasing appearance makes you realize how easy it actually was to give in to him.

 

  
  
_I know you're really scared._ His voice from this one night still echoes loudly in your mind. _I'm sorry. I promise everything will be over by tomorrow._

 

  
.....

 

  
  
He avoided your gaze while keeping one hand on your hip and gently rubbing his thumb against the soft fabric of your shirt. You could feel his heart beat at an unbelievably rapid pace, almost as fast as your own. The last day had been a hell of a day. You finally got into Mint Eye Headquarters, Saeyoung finally got the chance to talk to his brother but he didn't want to believe him and ran off, only to get mistaken for his twin and get kidnapped by Vanderwood. And now... you were here, in this cabin in the woods, laying in the arms of the man that meant so much to you.

  
  
"I honestly still can't believe it,", he said, "that I'm chasing after my brother." You pulled yourself closer to him and buried your face in his chest. "I know. But I'm here for you.", you reassured him. Saeyoung left out a deep breath, moved one hand behind your head to pull you even closer into his embrace. He softly kissed your forehead while playing with your hair. "Thank you, Tsubasa. Without you, I would never have known the pain that my brother went through."  
  
You slightly shook your head. "Don't thank me.", you said. "I'm the one who should be thanking you. You saved me, Saeyoung. Without you, I...-" - "Wouldn't have been in this situation in the first place." He interrupted you. "I'm sorry."

  
  
"No!", you exclaimed loudly. You placed your hands on his chest and pushed yourself away to look him in the eyes, a stern expression on your face. "Don't say that." You warned him. "Meeting you...is the best thing that ever happened to me." He eased up a bit, a soft smile formed on his beautiful face. "Thank you." He whispered against your mouth before planting his lips on yours and engaging you in a tender kiss. His lips felt so incredibly warm against your own, his hands that trailed the curves of your body through your clothes sent shivers down your spine.  
  
Saeyoung broke the kiss, finally allowing you to catch a breath. "For the first time in my life", he began, "I want to do things with another person. And once I started thinking about it I couldn't stop." You laughed a little. It made you so happy to see the redhead finally leaving his secured shell of loneliness and isolation. "There are so many things I want to do with you. From small things to big grand plans, they're all inside my mind."  
  
"Why don't you tell me about them?", you asked, eager to hear about the future that Saeyoung apparently already had planned out for the both of you. "I can't tell you right now." He shook his head. Upon noticing your confused look he added: "I'm afraid you'll run off if I tell you. I'm afraid something bad will happen again."

  
  
"Saeyoung..." You cupped his face with your hands and stretched yourself to reach him. "I would never run away from you." You kissed him gently. You felt him ease up a little at your words and then give in to the kiss. His tongue brushed against your lips, begging for access which you granted him only seconds after. Saeyoung explored the insides of your mouth, your tongues danced with each other in a heated act of lust and passion. You moved your hands away from his face and began to pull up his shirt. With your fingertips you slowly traced over his stomach, touching his muscles and making him groan in pleasure.  
  
Eventually, he broke the kiss again and looked into your eyes. "If I say it, and something happens to me..." He paused to catch a breath. "It'll be so sad if they don't come true." You could see the fear and despair forming on his face. He truly was afraid. You wished to just hold him and tell him that everything would turn out good, but honestly... you were just as afraid as he was. "So for now, the dreams I have about our life will just stay inside me." You nodded. "Then... how about we focus on finding Saeran first? We'll have plenty of time to discuss everything else afterwards."  
  
Saeyoung gifted you with the most beautiful smile, although you noticed that it held a certain type of sadness to it. "Yes...I hope that god will grant me this one wish." - "I'm sure he will." He placed a soft kiss on your lips.

  
  
"Tonight might be our last night." The tone of his voice returned to being more serious again. You knew that this was true. Neither of you knew what would happen tomorrow or if you would get through it alive. The uncertainty lied over you like a dark shadow. "Or...we might be able to spend the rest of our lives together." _Yes. Yes, please._  
  
"I don't know the results." He cupped your face with one hand and gently brushed over your cheek. His touch was warm and soft and made you feel safe despite the dangerous day that was still ahead of you. "But if tonight is our last...I just want to do one thing."

 

You could feel your heartbeat increase as he said that, the warmth flushed to your cheeks and covered them in a soft pink shade. Saeyoung continued to stare into your eyes. His face moved closer to you and before you knew it he had already placed his soft lips on yours. You could tell that the nature of his kisses had changed. Where his kisses held a soft innocence before now there was something more... demanding about them. Saeyoung bit down on your lower lip, which caused you to gasp in surprise. He took the opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth once again but this time with more force and fire. His tongue found yours, rubbed against it with deep desire while his hand moved down from your face and cupped one breast. A whimper escaped your mouth as you felt his touch through your shirt, you arched your back to press yourself harder against him. You parted, his tongue leaving a trail of saliva as it exited your mouth and moved down to your neck. He planted soft kissed against your jawline and throat and then began sucking on your delicate skin. Your hand moved to his head and entangled in his red locks.

  
„Can I be a bit selfish to you?“ He plead during kisses and sucking. You tried to answer him but all that left your mouth were uneven breaths and whimpers. Saeyoung turned you on your back and positioned himself over you, his mouth not once leaving you in the process. You could feel the love bites that he left on your skin, little dark burning spots that were left to remind you of him for days, _if_ you both lived that long. „Sae...-Saeyoung...Nghh...“ You moaned his name. His body was heavy on you but you didn't mind. You enjoyed the feeling of the man you adored so much on top of you. Your hands trailed down his frame, your fingertips touched his naked skin under his shirt and he groaned in pleasure as you reached his crotch. You could feel his cock harden in your palm as you gently massaged the bulge in his pants.

  
„God...Tsubasa...“ Saeyoung cursed under his breath. You arched your back and started pulling on your shirt. You were desperate to feel his touch, his mouth, his tongue on your naked skin. „Don't.“ He said and grabbed your wrists. „Let me do it.“  
  
You nodded in agreement and sat up a bit, allowing Saeyoung to undress you as you watched him hungrily. He pulled your shirt over your head and threw it in a random direction. For a moment he paused, admiring your chest that was now only covered by your bra. „God, you are beautiful.“ His hands moved to your back and unclipped the last piece of cloth with swift movements, now completely exposing your breasts. Your first instinct was to cover yourself, but Saeyoung was quick enough to grab your wrists and to stop you, so he could admire you even more. He leaned down to you and placed his lips over one nipple, rubbing his tongue against it and sucking on it until it became hard while his other hand was cupping your other breast and massaging it gently. You grasped his hair and pulled him even closer to you. His tongue swirled around your hardened bud, sending shivers of excitement and pleasure through your whole body. Your breaths became erratic and uneven, you moaned out his name while he shifted his attention back and forth from one bud to the other.

  
„I want to love you all night so you can remember me forever.“ He muttered in between breaths. „I want to leave on you evidence that I existed.“ His low voice made your whole body tremble in excitement. „Please.“ You plead. „Please, Saeyoung...ah, please! I want you.“ Your words seemed to encourage him in his doing even more. He bit down on your sensitive bud while he was clenching the other one with his fingers, causing you to cry out in a mixture of pain and pleasure. Not long after he removed himself from your nipples, only to kiss and suck and bite on your flesh above your breasts, leaving little red dots that wrote nothing but 'his' on your pale skin. You clenched your tights around his legs and pulled your hips up to meet his hardened member. You felt yourself growing more wet and needy with every second that passed.

  
  
Saeyoung could also feel his excitement building up fast inside of him. He looked down at you, at the whimpering mess beneath him and he could feel his erection getting bigger and bigger until his pants were starting to feel a little too tight for his liking. He finally wanted to taste you, to feel himself around you. The desire inside of him was almost unbearable, but he knew that he had to sacre the moment and ride it out to the fullest, even if that meant teasing you (and himself) just a little bit more.

  
His hands moved down to your pants and he began unbuttoning and unzipping them. You lifted your hips to assist him as he pulled them off with ease and tossed them on the ground to meet with your shirt. He paused again, looked down at your naked body with desire and hunger in his eyes. „You are so beautiful.“, he said with a raspy voice. „Fuck, if only you could see yourself right now. You look so hot underneath me.“  
  
Saeyoung leaned down to you and kissed you, while he trailed the insides of your thigh with his hand. He shifted his position a bit and placed his knee between your legs, spreading them and giving himself a better access to your throbbing sex. He took his time, carefully moved his fingertips over the inside of your thigh, brought them closer and closer to your sensitive spot, but stopped every time and made you groan in disappointment as a result. You wanted nothing more than to feel him in this very moment. „Saeyoung.“, you whimpered out his name. „Please...please.“  
  
„Hm?“ He continued to kiss you, acting like he didn't know what you pleaded from him. The teasing drove you nearly insane. You lifted your hips and brought your sex closer to his hand, but he pulled away. „I'm sorry, princess.“, he whispered into your ear. „But I'm afraid I'm not sure what you want me to do. Can you help me out?“

  
  
_That wicked bastard._

 

  
Talking seemed to be almost impossible at this point. Your whole body was shaking from lust and pleasure, his hands on your skin and his mouth that kept on kissing your mouth and your neck weren't helping your situation at all. „I...I want..- ah...“ Your efforts to say something were interrupted by his sudden touch on your most sensitive spot. Saeyoung placed his thumb on your clit and began to move around it in soft, slow circles and you swore, you could feel your sanity drifting away. „Do you want me to touch you here?“ He increased the pressure on your clit and made you cry out. „Or maybe...“ He moved his fingers and pulled your soaked panties to the side, spreading your folds and placing one digit near your throbbing entrance. „...you want to feel me inside of you?“

  
Saeyoung continued to look down at you. Your chest was lifting up and down at a rapid pace, uneven breaths mixed with lust filled moans escaped your mouth. Your cheeks were covered in a bright shade of red. „Y-yes.“ You managed to say between erratic breaths.

  
„Hm? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.“

 

_You're a god damn tease, Saeyoung Choi._

 

  
  
„P-please, ah...Saeyoung! Please, I want to feel you inside of me. I can't... ah, I can't...wait...any longer.“

  
  
He gifted you with a devious smirk as he inserted one finger inside of you, watched your facial expression turn into a moan that he swallowed almost instantly as he crashed his mouth on yours. He started to move his long digit in and out of your cunt while his tongue continued to explore every inch and corner of your mouth. You moaned and cried out against him, your nails dug into the sheets and you rocked your hips to meet his thrusts. Saeyoung pulled away from you, closely watching you as he drove you insane with his hand. „Fuck...“, he cursed. „You are so wet.“

  
  
He inserted another finger and you moaned even louder in response. „Please“, you whimpered. „Please more.“ His fingers inside of you made you lose your mind. You lifted your arms and covered your mouth, inevitably muffling the uncontrollable moans that escaped your throat. „Don't do this.“, Saeyoung said as he added the third finger and quickened his pace. „I want to hear your noises.“  
  
His raspy voice made you want him even more. You tilted your head back, arched your back and didn't hold back anymore. „Ah, ah, oh my god. Oh god!“ You could feel yourself coming close to your orgasm, your body overflew with lust as he curled his digits and hit your g-spot. He felt so good inside of you.

  
  
Just moments before you finally reached your climax, Saeyoung pulled his hand away from you, causing you to collapse back onto the bed. You could feel tears of desperation forming in the corner of your eyes, your body yearned so much for his touch. „Saeyoung...please..don't...don't stop, please.“, you begged. A soft laugh escaped his lips. „Not yet.“, he said. „I want the first time you come to be around my cock.“

 

_Oh my god, you are killing me._

 

  
  
Saeyoung sat up to finally got rid of his shirt and undid his own pants, freeing himself from the tightness that was holding back his erection. You sat up as well to meet him, placed your hands on his chest as you kissed him eagerly. His hands found their way to your ass, cupped your cheeks and squeezed them hard. You moaned, dug your nails into his hot skin and then and moved your hands down to his boxers. You could feel his rock hard cock through the thin fabric. „My God“, he groaned as you gently pulled down his boxers and freed his member, wrapped your fingers around his shaft and began to move them back and forth on his length. Your thumb reached his head and felt the dampness of his precum. You licked your lips in response to him hissing at your touch. He was so big in your hand, you could only imagine how good he would feel inside of you.

  
  
„Tsubasa..“, Saeyoung moaned your name in your ear. „I want to fuck you so bad right now.“  
  
„Yes, please...please, fuck me.“, you begged.  
  
Saeyoung let go of you and you turned around, got on all fours in front of him and lifted your ass in his direction. He took a moment to admire the view of your bare ass in the air. „Lord, have mercy. Fuck...I can't wait any longer.“

 

He moved closer to you and positioned himself behind you. Saeyoung pulled at your thong and moved it to the side, but still held onto it with one hand while he slid his cock teasingly down your slit with the other one. You felt his head pushing slowly into you, a cry of pleasure escaped your mouth as he went in deeper. „Oh god!“, you cried out. „Ah... you're so... ah, so big.“

  
The redhead waited a moment for you to adjust, then continued to slowly fill you until he was ballsdeep inside of you. You gasped at the sensation that his dick caused you, lowered your head to the sheets and cried helplessly against them as he began to move in and out of you. You rocked your hips back, meeting his every thrust and intensifying the moans that escaped both of you. „You're so tight.“, he said as he thrusted roughly into you, his strong hands were digging into your delicate skin to steady you and preventing you from falling forward as he fucked you. „God... fucking hell, you feel so good.“

  
  
He intensified the grip on your hips, his nails dug deeply into your soft skin and bruised it. Saeyoung held you tight as he fastened his pace, pulling out almost completely and then rocking into you will full force, causing you to cry out in pleasure. „Ah! Ah, Sae- Saeyoung...“, finding words was hard, your mind was clouded with the image of his cock thrusting in and out of you. „If...if you continue to... ah! I'm going to...come if you...oh god!“  
  
Before you could even finish your sentence you already felt your walls tighten as you finally reached your release. You rocked your hips back, crying out his name as you rode out your orgasm around his rock hard member. Saeyoung moaned when he felt you come but he didn't interrupt his movements, causing you to whimper even more in front of him.

  
  
Suddenly he stopped. You looked back at him, saw his slightly reddened face and the sweat that was dripping from his forehead. He breathed heavily. „I don't want to come.“, he panted. „You feel too good.“

  
You smiled at his words and then moved away from him, causing him to pull out. You turned around to face him and sat down on his lap. With one hand you cupped his cheek while your other hand massaged his still hard dick, and you closed the distance between you with a heated kiss. „I want to bounce on your cock.“, you whispered as you parted. „I want you to come inside of me as I ride you.“  
  
Saeyoung cursed under his breath. You put your hands on his chest and gently pushed him down on the bed. You crawled on top of him, took his member in your hand and guided it once again towards your entrance. „Fuck, oh my god... oh fuck.“ He groaned as you took his head inside and slowly began moving your hips around him. He placed his hands on your ass, holding you and moving you up and down on his head in a desperate try to dominate the act. But you were not having that. It was time for you to be a tease. You began to draw circles with your hips, slightly dropping down, but only for a swift moment before pulling your hips up again. The redhead moaned in desperation. „You're killing me.“, he said. „Fuck, please. I want you to bounce on me, bounce on my cock, fuck please, ah... Tsubasa...“

  
  
At last, you dropped your hips, taking him in fully. Saeyoung gasped when he felt you close around him and began to move up and down. Your breasts jumped in the same rhythm as your hips. He watched his cock disappear into your body over and over again. „Fuck.“, he moaned loudly. „I can't hold it back any longer. Fuck, I don't want it to end.“

  
  
You could feel him starting to pulsate in you, his hands moved from your ass to your breasts and pinched your rock hard buds. Your movements became more and more erratic, your cries and moans and growls louder and louder until you could feel your second orgasm coming over you. You tilted your head back and cried out his name, while he kept thrusting into you, finding his own release only moments after. His hot seed filled your insides as both of you were shaking heavily.

 

  
  
Your legs felt week as you pulled away from him and collapsed beside him. Both of you were still breathing fast, unable to speak. He looked at you, his golden eyes glassy from lust. „This was...oh god.“, he panted. You laughed a little and layed down on his chest, softly brushing over his sensitive skin with your fingertip. „Agreed.“  
  
He kissed your forehead and pulled you closer into his embrace. You snuggled up in his arms, rested your head on his body and closed your eyes. Your mind was ready to rest while your insides still overflood with the evidence of his existence.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, mom


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some truths did not bear saying, and some lies were necessary

„One more thing.“  
  


  
It is Saeyoung's loud voice that suddenly brings you back to reality. You shake your head in an attempt to make the lewd images and thoughts of this one night leave your mind, but you are unable to stop the heat from rising to your cheeks. _Jesus...Get your shit together._  
  
You raise an eyebrow and look at him, try your best to cover up the embarrassment on your face. „Yeah?“, you manage to say with little to no stuttering. „I just...I just thought about it and..., well... _fuck_.“  
  
Saeyoung scratches his head nervously. He's visibly trying to find the right words to express his thoughts, but he fails miserably doing so. The only things that leave his mouth are fast, not understandable pieces of senseless brabble. You sigh, then nod in agreement. „Yeah, I get it.“, you comment sarcastically. „I'm totally with you on that one.“  
  
The redhead lets out the breath that he has been holding. He usually would have laughed at your little sarcastic joke but him keeping quiet indicates that the thing he's about to say is much more serious than you thought. Suddenly you begin to feel uneasy.   
  
„Alright, I hate to talk about it but...“ , he begins, „...I'm concerned that Jumin will see the picture, you know?“  
  
You drop your gaze upon hearing the name again. _Jumin_... the name of your husband, of the man you love. The name that hurts so much in your ears. You find yourself fighting with tears again.  
  
„So?“ You give a shrug. „It's not like it's his business anymore.“ You try your hardest to sound tough and to conceal the pain in your voice. „That's true, I just... _man_ , this sounds stupid as hell.“  
  
„Say it.“, you encourage the redhead. Saeyoung takes a deep breath and swallows hard.  
  
„If he sees that you slept over at my place and – on top of that – fell asleep with Saeran on the sofa... I just don't want him to think badly of you, that you're...“ - „A slut?“, you end the sentence for him.  
  
Saeyoung stares at you, unable to say anything for a moment. His eyes are slightly widened in shock, his lips part to say something but he can't find the words. You can even see the sweat that is starting to form on his forehead. „That's... not what... I wanted to say...“, he stutters. „I would never even think something like that.“  
  
You wave your hand, signalizing him to calm down. „I know, I know.“, you say. „Don't worry, I won't take offense to that. I know what you meant, and well... what can I say?“ You shrug with your shoulders again. It's not of Jumin's concern anymore where you sleep, or on whose lap for that matter. Everything about you stopped being part of his business the moment he decided to bury his _fucking_ cock in someone else's...-.   
  
And yet... knowing that _he_ might think bad of _you_ now makes your stomach turn.  
  
„The last thing I want is this asshole to be able to justify his actions because of something I did. You never did anything wrong, Tsubasa. You don't deserve to be even doubted. And I hate myself for possibly creating a situation where Jumin could make you the villain; where he could feel better about his actions by convincing himself that you possibly had a thing going on with Saeran all along.“  
  
You can't help but smile at Saeyoung's solicitude and kindness, the way he worries about you warms your heart despite all the horror that it's been confronted with yesterday. It makes you realize the actual value of having someone who cares for you, instead of taking it for granted like you used to do.  
  
„I appreciate that, Saeyoung. I really do.“, you say while your hand moves to his back and gently caresses his skin. You can feel the tension leaving his stiff body at your touch. He closes his eyes and baths in the beautiful feeling that your fingers leave on him. „It's alright, don't worry too much about me. Besides..“, he opens his eyes again to meet your gaze. „You can see the log right? When was the last time Jumin even opened the messenger? He's way too busy with being a _fucking asshole_ anyway, I doubt he'll ever see the photo.“  
  
Saeyoung thinks for a moment, then slightly nods his head as if he's agreeing with you. „I guess that's true.... _puh_.“, he breathes out, clearly relieved. „Glad that that's out of the way then.“ - „Me too.“ You smile at him and he returns your gesture. Seeing his warm smile you find yourself wondering again about how beautiful he looks. With your eyes you begin to scan his facial structures, trying to recall every beautiful memory you had with this man to replace the old shattered ones. You look at his beautiful golden eyes, his defined cheekbones, his radiant vermillion hair and at his _delicate looking lips..._  
  
Without thinking you cup his cheek with your hand and slowly lean down to him, bringing your lips closer to his. Saeyoung freezes at your approach. He doesn't protest but he doesn't make a move either. You can read the unsureness in his expression. The desire to close the distance with a kiss inside of you is enormous, you want nothing more than to feel this man again but... there is... _something_... that holds you back. Slowly you shift your head and place your forehead against Saeyoung's, your heart tears up upon seeing the disappointment forming on his face. „I'm sorry.“, you whisper so quietly that you yourself almost can't hear it.  
  
  
  
„Yo, am I interrupting you or something?“ A low voice from behind you makes you jump in surprise. You quickly pull away from your friend, as if you've just been caught doing something wrong, and turn around to face Saeran who's standing in the doorway, looking as cold and expressionless as always. He is dressed in his usual attire: the tight black pants combined with a deep red shirt and a black leather jacket that is hiding his strong and muscular arms from your sight. His hair is messy, though not as much as it was last night, and the pink tips compliment his fair skin tone. With him looking like that it's hard not to drown in his beauty, but truth be told, your mind is still there to keep you from forgetting why you are here, looking at this handsome man in the first place.   
  
It is only when you hear Saeyoung's voice that you realize that you've been staring at the younger twin for the last few moments. „No, we- we were just...-“   
  
„Whatever.“, Saeran interrupts his brother before he can finish his sentence. „I don't really care.“  
  
The white haired man then approaches the stove and places the remaining half of the eggs on a plate. He scoffs at the slightly burned smell but doesn't loudly protest about it. You watch his every move, compare his moody and cold attitude to the man that held you in his arms only a few hours ago and can't help but ask yourself if this really is the same person as yesterday. „I guess you're back to your usual self?“, you ask him sarcastically to which he rolls his eyes.   
  
„No idea what you're talking about.“ - „Sure thing.“, you nod to yourself, completely aware of the fact that Saeran would never admit his more sensitive side to his brother. It's bad enough Saeyoung saw you two sleeping on the sofa, it would be absolutely devastating if he came to the knowledge that his younger twin was capable of smiling and showing some sort of affection and need for affiliation. Even thinking about the consequences makes a cold shiver run down your spine.  
  
The three of you fall into silence. The twins are eating their breakfast while you enjoy the moment of a (somewhat) peaceful atmosphere. To your surprise, Saeran is the first one to say something again. „So?“, he asks while locking his eyes with yours. „...So?“, you repeat after him, unsure what he meant.  
  
He clears his throat, clearly annoyed by the fact he has to elaborate on his question more than he intended to. „So, what's your plan?“ Upon seeing your still slightly confused look he adds: „Like, what are you gonna do now? Where are you going?“  
  
„Oh...“, you drop your gaze when you hear the one question you've been asking yourself since you stepped out of that damned apartment. Without Jumin... what are you going to do? Where are you going to stay? Who exactly are you without him in your life? „To be honest I-“ - „She's going to stay with us.“, Saeyoung interrupts you. He stands up and walks towards the counter, placing his now empty plate in the sink. You follow him with your eyes, slightly shocked from his words and completely unable to say something. You know he is your friend, you know that you mean so much to him but you wouldn't have expected him to go this far to prove it. A sudden wave of guilt and shame falls over you. „No“, you say. „I know you mean well, Saeyoung, but I can't stay here. I can't possibly be such a burden to you.“ - „If you're not staying here, where else do you want to go?“, the redhead asks. You open your mouth to say something, but at last you grow quiet. This isn't a question he expects you to answer. He already knows what your response would be: You have nowhere to go to; no parents, no relatives, _no one that actually gives a shit._  
  
„It's decided then.“ Saeyoung claps his hands together, a warm smile dancing on his lips. „Welcome to the family.“ Even though the joyful redhead in front of you is laughing, you can't shake off the uneasiness that you feel at his offer. You always hated to be a burden, especially to someone that is not responsible for you in any way. You're no relatives, you're not a couple, you two are _friends_ and on top of that, you've been quite a shitty one in the last couple of months. It becomes apparent that guilt is showing on your face when Saeran steps in to make a suggestion: „If you feel so bad for living here, pay rent or something.“ It's something to think about, but sadly that's not an option for you. „Well, about that...I don't exactly have an income.“  
  
„Aren't you doing the work for the RFA?“, the white haired man asks. „I do, it's just that..“, you take a deep breath. „ _Hell_ , I was living with Jumin, with the leader of the whole _fucking_ organization I worked for. I didn't... exactly need a paycheck because he always was around...I worked for the RFA because it was fun and kept me busy, not because I needed money. _Jesus_... how could I be so naive?“  
  
The realization of the dependency that you let yourself live in hurts about just as much as the fact that your own husband doesn't love you anymore.   
  
„But I have some savings, from the time I used to work at the nightclub. I can...-“ Your words get interrupted by your friend once more. „No.“, he declines your offer before he even heard you say it. „Keep them. I have enough money to feed both of you through for the next couple of years.“ - „Yeah, right. Hell will freeze before I stay with you for another year.“, Saeran scoffs and grimaces his face in disgust and horror at the thought. You can't help but chuckle a little. „I'll pretend like I didn't hear that. As for you Tsubasa“, he puts on the warmest smile you ever saw in your life, „Stay. _Please_.“  
  
You hesitate for a second but then nod slightly at last. You stand up and approach him, lay your arms around his frame and pull yourself so close to his chest that you are able to hear his heartbeat. Saeyoung doesn't hesitate to return the hug. Holding you like this brings back so many memories you used to think about every day but completely neglected for almost two years now. He inhales your perfume while planting soft kisses against your hair. It is a moment where both of you get lost in each other's arms, each other's warmth and each other's dreams and hopes.

 

 

„Thank you.“, you say as a smile begins to dance on your soft lips.

 

„Don't worry. Everything will be alright.“ - You nod. You don't believe him but.. a new end always stands for a new beginning... _right?_  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys..  
> yes, i know, it's almost been a year since i updated this story. and i'm truly sorry for that!  
> truth is... i don't have an excuse. i could argue i didn't have the time but then again, i had plenty of time doing other things (including playing fortnite lol, don't judge me) so that argument is invalid. i guess i just didnt have *enough* time to do everything i wanted.
> 
> I found the time and motivation to write this story again because.. these last two months i went through a break up myself. it wasn't pretty and it was probably the hardest things i ever had to do, i mean, breaking up and leaving a relationship you had invested more than 5 years of your life in, is no piece of cake. and even though i was the one who left, it still made me feel very conflicted about myself. but im getting too personal right now lol
> 
> anyways! i intend to continue writing this story now that i defo have more time for myself (thank god for that, i missed being just me)  
> all my love to you guys, and sorry for letting you down 


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